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== Eksteraj ligiloj ==
{{el}} http://www.recipesource.com/side-dishes/relishes <!-- en:Relishes at recipe source en->eo:Reliŝoj (at, ĉe, en) recepto _source_ -->
N00BZ GET OWNED IN THE BATHROOM WHILE PEEING
ALL THE TIME!!!
It all started when our (former porn) star, Nico Pico, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, Nico Pico grabbed a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved Cup was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Super Danielle. Nico Pico had known Super Danielle for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were electric ones. Super Danielle was unique. She was charismatic though sometimes a little... oafish. Nico Pico called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Super Danielle picked up to a very unhappy Nico Pico. Super Danielle calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks sigh before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually earnestly shudder *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Nico Pico. Why was Super Danielle trying to distract Nico Pico? Because she had snuck out from Nico Pico's with the Cup only five days prior. It was a eccentric little Cup... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Nico Pico got back to the subject at hand: his Cup. Super Danielle yawned. Relunctantly, Super Danielle invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Cup. Nico Pico grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Super Danielle realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Cup and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Nico Pico took the homemade car, she had take at least ten minutes before Nico Pico would get there. But if he took the Invisible Hotdog? Then Super Danielle would be barely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Super Danielle was interrupted by seven stupid Care Bears that were lured by her Cup. Super Danielle turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she aimlessly reached for her live hand grenade and aggressively grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Invisible Hotdog rolling up. It was Nico Pico.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Nico Pico was out of the Invisible Hotdog and went exotically jaunting toward Super Danielle's front door. Meanwhile inside, Super Danielle was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Cup into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her whale. Super Danielle was frustrated but at least the Cup was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Super Danielle earnestly purred. With a calculated push, Nico Pico opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Super Danielle assured him. Nico Pico took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Super Danielle had hidden the Cup. Super Danielle shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Nico Pico was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Super Danielle noticed a selfish look on Nico Pico's face. Nico Pico slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Super Danielle felt a stabbing pain in her shin when Nico Pico asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Cup right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Nico Pico's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Nico Pico nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Super Danielle could react, Nico Pico randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Cup was plainly in view.
Nico Pico stared at Super Danielle for what what must've been four nanoseconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Super Danielle groped explosively in Nico Pico's direction, clearly desperate. Nico Pico grabbed the Cup and bolted for the door. It was locked. Super Danielle let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Nico Pico,' she rebuked. Super Danielle always had been a little stupid, so Nico Pico knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Super Danielle did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his Cup tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Super Danielle looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Nico Pico. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Nico Pico. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Super Danielle walked over to the window and looked down. Nico Pico was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Nico Pico was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Super Danielle's place. Nico Pico had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Cup. One by one they latched on to Nico Pico. Already weakened from his injury, Nico Pico yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Cup.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Nico Pico's Cup. Feeling displeased, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket and blasted away with the fortitude of half a million spotted wolf hamsters running from a big pack of South American hissing sloths. Nico Pico vomited with joy when he saw this. His Cup was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, two and a half men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet contraceptive'). Nico Pico was pleased. And so, everyone except Super Danielle and a few gun-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
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